Marriage is a gift from God, designed to unite two people in love and partnership. As Genesis 2:24 says, “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” God’s design for marriage is to be a source of joy, support, and strength through life’s ups and downs.
Here are five practical tips to help make marriage work:
5 tips for making marriage work
1. Take baby steps every day
Great marriages aren’t built on grand gestures or big decisions alone. Instead, they thrive on small, everyday choices that add up over time, much like compound interest. Often, it’s these small, daily decisions and gestures that either strengthen or weaken a relationship.
Simple gestures, like sending a quick text to check in, making coffee in the morning, or choosing to put the phone down to spend quality time together, can mean a lot. These small, consistent acts of thoughtfulness build trust and closeness over time. Like tiny deposits in a bank account, these actions add up, creating a solid foundation for a lasting marriage.
At the end of the day, everything you do in marriage is a step toward your spouse or away from them – and even a small step toward them can make a difference!
2. Learn each other’s love language – and speak it!
Everyone desires to love and be loved, but the way each person expresses and receives love is different. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book on the five love languages highlights this, showing that understanding each other’s love language can make a big difference in a marriage. Taking the time to discover your spouse’s love language allows you to show them love in the way that resonates most with them, making your efforts more impactful.
The five love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation – Expressing love through encouraging words and compliments.
- Acts of Service – Doing things for each other, like helping out with chores or running errands.
- Receiving Gifts – Thoughtful gifts that show you’re thinking about them.
- Quality Time – Spending meaningful, distraction-free time together.
- Physical Touch – Showing affection through hugs, hand-holding, or other physical gestures.
Understanding each other’s love language and practicing it regularly helps each partner feel seen, valued, and loved. To explore the five love languages in more depth, check out our Bible reading plan that navigates the five Love languages through the lens of scripture.
3. Treat words like weapons
Words have the power to build up or tear down a marriage, so it’s crucial to handle them carefully. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that “the tongue has the power of life and death,” highlighting that what we say can either strengthen or damage the relationship. Negative comments, sarcasm, and careless words can create lasting hurt and erode trust over time. In contrast, words of kindness, encouragement, and respect can build each other up and foster closeness.
Treat words as tools to support and uplift, not weapons to wound. If you feel upset or frustrated, take a moment to pause and consider the impact of your words. If we’re taking Proverbs seriously, using your words carelessly is like swinging a loaded gun around! Choosing to speak with kindness, even during disagreements, helps create a marriage where both partners feel safe and valued.
4. Disagree, but with caution
Disagreements are natural in any marriage, but handled poorly, it can cause deep wounds. When tensions rise, it’s important to disagree in a way that honors and protects each other.
Avoid using hurtful words or personal jabs, as these can cause lasting harm and are difficult to take back. Instead, remember the wisdom from James 1:19 to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” Sometimes, this requires giving each other space to cool down and process, allowing patience and clearer minds to guide the conversation.
It’s also important to keep your disagreements between the two of you, without involving children, friends, or family. Involving others can add unnecessary stress and confusion. While it’s healthy for children to see respectful conflict resolution, they shouldn’t be drawn into the details of the disagreement. This might also shift the balance in the relationship, making it harder to work through the issue as a team. By handling disagreements thoughtfully and focusing on resolving them together, couples can protect and strengthen their relationship.
5. Don’t be afraid to seek counseling
Even though we caution against bringing other people into your conflict, some people can actually be incredibly helpful – specifically counselors! These professionals have specific training and expertise in mediating conflict and helping establish healthy habits for your relationship.
Many couples think of counseling as a last resort, but it can be incredibly beneficial even when things are going well. Marriage counseling provides a safe space for partners to share feelings, discuss conflicts, and gain tools to improve their communication. It can also reveal unspoken issues and provide techniques to handle problems in a healthy way – even before they become a problem.
A marriage that’s built to last
God’s hope for marriage is that it be a place where both partners feel loved, respected, and supported. By focusing on small, daily acts of kindness, speaking each other’s love language, using words carefully, handling disagreements with care, and seeking help when needed, couples can build a marriage that is strong and lasting. A marriage built this way can better withstand life’s challenges and bring joy for years to come.
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Looking for more tips on making marriage work? Check out these helpful resources!
7 Secrets to a Satisfying Marriage
4 Ways to Increase Emotional Intimacy in Your Marriage
9 Communication Issues in Marriage
Or, for a candid discussion on the ups and downs of marriage, listen to this episode of the Live Changed Podcast.
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LCBC stands for Lives Changed By Christ. We are one church in multiple locations across Pennsylvania. Find the location closest to you or join us for Church Online. We can’t wait to connect with you!