How intentional are you about the people in your life?
Think about it. We’re meticulous about so many choices in our lives - our go-to coffee order, our outfit for a first date or a job interview, the perfect show to binge on a Saturday night. Some people are meticulous about their diet choices, while others spend ages editing selfies to get the perfect filter.
So many of our day-to-day choices are made under heavy review – but what about the people we let into our lives? Are we just as intentional when it comes to making friends?
How are you making friends right now?
Imagine all the people in your life on a bullseye.
- The outer ring is your “Crowd:” These are people you interact with in passing, like coworkers, classmates, or neighbors. You might not have chosen them, but they’re in your life.
- The middle ring is your “Community:” This group consists of people you enjoy spending time with. They know you, and you know them. You may like some of them more than others, but they’re all part of your life.
- The inner ring is your “Core:” These are your closest friends. They influence you, challenge you, and shape your life. You seek them out for advice, encouragement, and support. They’re the ones you want by your side during life’s hardest moments.
With this in mind, there are two important questions to think about: who is in your core, and how did they get there?
Many of us put more thought into our coffee orders than we do into choosing our closest friends. Sometimes, people end up in our core simply because we’ve spent a lot of time together – maybe we work with them or share a long history. But if their values and life direction don’t align with yours, should they hold that level of influence?
Your core friends shape who you become. Like Proverbs 12:26 (NIV) puts it, “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” If you want to grow in your faith and character, you need to be intentional about making friends – because this decides who holds that influence in your life.
6 crucial criteria for making friends
So, how do you choose your friends wisely? Here are six crucial criteria for making friends who will positively shape your life:
1. They share your core values and beliefs
It’s great to have lots of friends with diverse values, but reserve the core for those who align with yours. The people closest to you should encourage and strengthen your relationship with God and challenge you to live out what’s important to you.
2. They’re wise
Fun and adventurous friends are great, but your core should include those with wisdom and maturity. Look at their life choices – are they someone whose path you want to follow?
3. They tell the truth in love
A good friend doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear. They tell you what you need to hear. Quality friends value honesty over convenience because they want the best for you.
4. They have goals
Do your closest friends push you toward spiritual and personal growth? If they’re striving to be more like Jesus, chances are you will, too.
5. They’re humble
Humility is rare but powerful. Look for friends who are patient, gracious, and others-focused. A humble friend will help you grow in faith and character.
6. They’re faithful and forgiving
Faithful friends stick around through life’s ups and downs. They extend grace, and they understand that friendships may face challenges but can grow through forgiveness.
It’s okay to be picky when you’re making friends!
You don’t have to find friends who check every single box, but being intentional about your closest relationships will shape the direction of your life. Proverbs 13:20 reminds us, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.”
Have lots of friends! Love and serve those around you. These are good things. But be selective about who holds the deepest influence in your life. When you choose wisely, you’ll find yourself becoming the person God designed you to be.
-----
As you’re making more quality friendships, don’t forget to be a good friend back! Here are some tips for being more intentional with your friendships.
-----
LCBC stands for Lives Changed By Christ. We are one church in multiple locations across Pennsylvania. Find the location closest to you or join us for Church Online. We can’t wait to connect with you!